Have you forgotten what you enjoy?

A question came up recently that seemed almost too simple.

What do you enjoy doing?

Not what are you good at. Not what needs doing. Not what do other people expect of you.

Just... what do you enjoy?

There was a long pause.

Eventually, she smiled and said, "I honestly don't know anymore."

There wasn't anything particularly wrong. She wasn't unhappy and there was no great crisis unfolding. She had simply reached a point where she realised it had been a very long time since she'd thought about what she enjoyed purely for the sake of it.

The more we spoke, the more familiar it seemed.

I think this happens so gradually that we often don't notice it happening. Life becomes full. There are responsibilities to carry, people to think about and practical things that need our attention. Days become busy and then, somehow, years have passed.

Without really meaning to, we become very good at doing what is needed.

We keep things going. We show up. We cope.

And somewhere amongst all of that, our own likes and interests can become surprisingly quiet.

Perhaps there was a time when you would have answered that question easily.

Maybe you loved reading and haven't picked up a book in years. Perhaps you used to enjoy long walks, cooking for pleasure rather than necessity, listening to music or spending an afternoon doing very little at all.

Or perhaps nothing immediately comes to mind.

I think that's often the part that catches people off guard.

Because it isn't really about hobbies.

It's about realising that you've spent so long focusing on everything around you that you've gradually lost touch with the things that make you feel like you.

I don't think this means you've lost yourself.

More often, I think you've simply been busy living.

Busy caring.

Busy coping.

Busy carrying.

And when life asks a lot of us for a long time, it's perfectly understandable that parts of ourselves move quietly into the background.

At first, it feels temporary.

You tell yourself you'll come back to those things when life settles down.

The trouble is, life doesn't always settle down.

I think that's why so many people say they miss feeling like themselves. Not because they necessarily want a completely different life, but because they miss something that's difficult to put into words.

They miss feeling lighter.

They miss having space in their own minds.

They miss those moments where they're completely present and not thinking about the next thing on the list.

They miss themselves.

The encouraging thing is that finding your way back to yourself is rarely about making dramatic changes.

It's usually much gentler than that.

You linger in the garden because it feels nice to be there.

You put music on and realise you haven't listened to it properly in years.

You sit with a cup of tea and don't immediately jump up to do something productive.

You laugh at something and notice you haven't laughed like that in a while.

They're tiny moments, really.

But every now and then, one of those moments catches you by surprise and you think:

There I am. I'd forgotten what this feels like.

If this feels familiar, please know you're not the only one.

Sometimes simply noticing what you've lost touch with can be the beginning of something shifting. You don't need a whole new life and you certainly don't need to become somebody different.

Perhaps you simply need a little space to remember what makes you feel like you.

And if you've found yourself nodding along as you've read this, you're always welcome to reply. I genuinely enjoy hearing from the people reading these emails, and I suspect you're not the only one who's been quietly wondering where parts of yourself have gone.

Jx